


too much ass (not really)

by authorinprogress97



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boo Seungkwan Being Oblivious, Chatting & Messaging, Choi Hansol | Vernon Being An Idiot, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Lee Jihoon | Woozi Is Bad At Feelings, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Sunshine Lee Seokmin | DK, Texting, Whipped Yoon Jeonghan, Xu Ming Hao | The8 is Bad at Feelings, dumb boys who don't know they're in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-03-25 13:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13836042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authorinprogress97/pseuds/authorinprogress97
Summary: Here's the story of thirteen queer boys in a chat. Expect Gay™, comedy, (maybe some romance thrown in) and an overusage of the word ass.hanniebee: i’m not gonna stand here and be criticised by asswipe hypocritesangryskitty: why the fuck do u bitches keep using the word asssoon-always-young: that’s bc, my dear jihoonie cuddlypuff, we r all flaming Gays™





	1. i fuckin dare u scrublord

**Author's Note:**

> hello, tis ur resident author, serra.
> 
> listen............ i love chatfics and it's my honour to be doing one for svt. i hope you guys like this as much as i enjoyed writing it!
> 
> updates will most likely be sporadic, bc i'm not that good at,,,,, updates,,,,,, in general owo but i'll try to update weekly?
> 
> if you liked this fic, if you wanna scream at me about things, if you have fanfic (for a chatfic tho???) or if you just wanna talk to me, hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/serraminiauthor) or [tumblr](http://minteayoongimakesmewoozi.tumblr.com/)!

**[3:52 PM]**

_c.seungcheol started a groupchat!_

_l.jihoon was added_  
_hanniebee was added_  
_jisooholy was added_  
_junhuwui was added_  
_wonwoouldustfu was added_  
_soon-always-young was added_  
_seokmintyfresh was added_  
_germgyu was added_  
_haoabtno was added_  
_babykwan was added_  
_babysol was added_  
_channieontop was added_

 

**l.jihoon:** wtf is this shit

**c.seungcheol:** hello to u too, jihoon

**seokmintyfresh:** OH MY GOD A NEW CHAT

**seokmintyfresh:** MERRY CHRISTMAS

**l.jihoon:** it’s the first

**seokmintyfresh:** HAPPY NEW YEAR

**l.jihoon:** it’s february

**seokmintyfresh:** HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD HOLIDAY

**seokmintyfresh:** HELLO NEW FRIENDS

**haoabtno:** shit the fuck up bitchass we all know each other

**germgyu:** shit

**jisooholy:** language

**haoabtno:** yea shit tf up befor i beat ur stupiid ass in

**germgyu:** oh yea?

**germgyu:** well

**germgyu:** wait

**germgyu:** who the _fuck_ changed my name

**jisooholy:** language!

**junhuwui:** @haoabtno

**wonwoouldustfu:** @haoabtno

**babykwan:** @haoabtno

**hanniebee:** @haoabtno

**haoabtno:** don’t fucikng @ me u unloyal nasty hoes

**haoabtno:** yea I fucking chaged ur crusty ass username u disembowelled asscrack

**channieontop:** that,,,,, doesn’t even,,,,,, make sense

**haoabtno:** did I fuckin ask

**soon-always-young:** y u gotta be out here, disrespecting my fave channie

**jisooholy:** @haoabtno listen you little mouldy imp, stop fucking swearing or I’ll wash out your fucking nasty ass mouth with a bar of soap

**hanniebee:** babe that’s kinda hot

**channieontop:** 1) ew

**channieontop:** 2) hyung im the only channie u noe

**soon-always-young:** ;)

**channieontop:** what is that sposed to mean

**seokmintyfresh:** D: WHAT ABOUT ME

**soon-always-young:** :*

**seokmintyfresh:** :D

**babykwan:** gay

**jisooholy:** Seungkwan!

**babykwan:** sorry hyung

**babykwan:** Gay™

**jisooholy:** … that’s better

_babykwan renamed the groupchat The 13 Gays™_

**l.jihoon:** says the one who lit has a couple name with someone

**l.jihoon:** someone whose name starts with han

**l.jihoon:** and ends with  @babysol

**hanniebee:** last i checked i didn’t know anyone named hanbabysol

**hanniebee:** also

**hanniebee:** jihoon ur name is so boring

_hanniebee changed l.jihoon’s name to angryskitty_

**hanniebee:** much better

**angryskitty:** You’re a dead man, Yoon Jeonghan.

**soon-always-young:** oh shit jihoon used capital letters and punctuation!!!!

**seokmintyfresh:** CAPITAL LETTERS AND PUNCTUATION IS EFFECTIVE!!!!!

**seokmintyfresh:** @hanniebee we’ll miss you, hyung ( ´•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥` )

**hanniebee:** i’m….. not dead……….

**angryskitty:** I’m still in class. I’ll come for you later, hyung.

**jisooholy:** *sobs* my husband...... i’ll pray for your soul as you descend into the depths of hell

**hanniebee:** wait when did we get married

**jisooholy:** at wonwoo's frat party

**jisooholy:** seungcheol married us and you gave me a ring pop

**jisooholy:** are you… telling me… you don’t remember

**hanniebee:** babe no

**jisooholy:** that’s it i want a divorce

**seokmintyfresh:** :O LOOK AT THAT DRAMA

**hanniebee:** stfu seokmin no one asked

**seokmintyfresh:** ( ͒ ඉ .̫ ඉ ͒)

**soon-always-young:** (◡‿◡✿)

**soon-always-young:** (ʘ‿ʘ✿) wot u say to seokminnie

**soon-always-young:** (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿  @channieontop hold my flower

**hanniebee:** lee jongchan if u’re still my baby u won’t touch his flower

**channieontop:** hyung

**channieontop:** i

**channieontop:** was never your baby

**channieontop:** ✿＼(｡-_-｡) kick his ass soonyoungie hyung i got yo flower

**hanniebee:** T_T

**babykwan:**

**junhuwui:** top ten anime betrayals owo

**wonwoouldustfu:** you’re a whole meme and I can’t believe I wanna date your dumb ass

**junhuwui:** u wanna date my gorg ass? aw babe uwu

**wonwoouldustfu:** we literally went on a date last night – which your “gorg” ass was a whole _fifteen_ minutes late for

**junhuwui:** but babe uwu i wanted to look good for you!!! owo

**wonwoouldustfu:** don’t you fuckin uwu at me while we’re having a serious conversation about your tardiness

**junhuwui:** …

**junhuwui:** ……

**junhuwui:** OWO

**wonwoouldustfu:** JUNHUI DO FUCKING NOT

**babykwan:** mm i love drama

**haoabtno:** hoe

**babykwan:** excuse me

**babykwan:** u come here

**babykwan:** insult me for no good fucking reason

**babykwan:** in my own goddamn home

**babykwan:** u gnorrkes infested ass cheek

**haoabtno:** laern how to speell u fuckass overgrown mushroom

**babykwan:** taek ur own shitty advice u feces-crusted asshole

**c.seungcheol:** WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

**c.seungcheol:** I TAKE A NAP FOR AN HOUR AND I SEE ANARCHY

**hanniebee:** oh wow big word good on you Cheol

**jisooholy:** you’re still on thin ice, mister

**hanniebee:** i’m sorry hubby don’t leave me

**jisooholy:** that’s a good husband (◡‿◡✿)

**c.seungcheol:** whipped

**babykwan:** Whipped™

**seokmintyfresh:** WHIPPED!!!  >:D

**hanniebee:** i’m not gonna stand here and be criticised by asswipe hypocrites

**angryskitty:** why the fuck do u bitches keep using the word ass

**soon-always-young:** that’s bc, my dear jihoonie cuddlypuff, we r all flaming Gays™

**angryskitty:** Don’t Call Me A Fucking Cuddlypuff

**junhuwui:** what a qt uwu

**angryskitty:** shut your whore mouth you asslicker

**soon-always-young:**

**germgyu:** why tf do u even have a pic of urself like that

**soon-always-young:** chan

**channieontop:** i didn’t do shit hyung

**channieontop:** u can’t pin tht on me

**c.seungcheol:** hah joke’s on you i’m not gay

**junhuwui:** u fuckin wot m8 OwO

**angryskitty:** okay.

**germgyu:**

**babykwan:** some1 kick him out

**babysol:** gyu hyung or cheol hyung

**babykwan:** u know what just kick them both out

**haoabtno:** can’t, i alerday tried

**germgyu:** : <

**haoabtno:** i said what i fuckin said

**babysol:** technically u typed it

**haoabtno:** don’t make me shove a motherfuckin lightbulb up ur virgin asshole

**babykwan:** how would u noe it’s a virgin asshole

**c.seungcheol:** what the fuck guys i’m a motherfucking bisexual

**angryskitty:** oh good

**angryskitty:** i mean who fucking cares

**angryskitty:** not me that’s for fucking sure

**wonwoouldustfu:** now that we’re coming out a second time

**wonwoouldustfu:** i am also not technically a gay

**wonwoouldustfu:** i am

**junhuwui:** @haoabtno i’m gonna cry please hold me

**haoabtno:** i’ll fucking dropkick him to venus

**wonwoouldustfu:** what the kids call: a pansexual

**wonwoouldustfu:** junhui baby no I’d never play with your heart like that

**junhuwui:** promise? :’ <

**wonwoouldustfu:** of course baby you’re the light of my life the sun to my eart the air I breathe

**junhuwui:** uwu you _do_ care! owo

**wonwoouldustfu:** blocked reported unsubscribed fcukin unfriended

**junhuwui:**

**wonwoouldustfu:**

_haoabtno renamed the groupchat The 11 Gays™ + crusty bicycle + rusty pan_

**germgyu:** hao no

**haoabtno:** hao abt i do whatever the fuck i want asshole

**angryskitty:** okay

**angryskitty:** the next person who says the word ass is getting blocked

**babykwan:** K.

**angryskitty:** did u just fucking k me

**junhuwui:** ass uwu

**angryskitty:** motherfuckin

**wonwoouldustfu:** ass

**babykwan:** ass

**babysol:** ass

_soon-always-young renamed the groupchat asS_

**soon-always-young:** a s s

**seokmintyfresh:** ASS!!!  >:D

**channieontop:** : ) ass ; )

**hanniebaby:** cmon guys let’s be classy about this

**angryskitty:** thank u hyung

**hanniebaby:** The Ass™

**angryskitty:** die

**jisooholy:** …….

**angryskitty:** don’t u fucking start

**jisooholy:** ass ;3

**angryskitty:** i covet the sweet release of death

**germgyu:** oh come on hyungs quit it

**angryskitty:** i don’t trust any of u anymore

**germgyu:** don’t be an

**germgyu:** _ass_

**angryskitty:** ITALICS DOESN’T MAKE THINGS BETTER FUCKBUSH

**haoabtno:** oh rly

**haoabtno:** then how about

**haoabtno:** **_ass_**

**angryskitty:** b i t c h

**haoabtno:** ha

**jisooholy:** that’s not all of us

**jisooholy:** I count eleven asses

**hanniebaby:** @c.seungcheol get on here rn

**seokmintyfresh:** @c.seungcheol hyung!!!!! join us!!!!! GROUP SOLIDARITY!!!!! :D

**angryskitty:** i refuse to be part of this grp of shitheads

**soon-always-young:** @c.seungcheol hyung stop wanking

**c.seungcheol:** i wasn’t wanking i was trying to fucking study u limp noodle

**hanniebaby:** no u weren’t i can see u playing superstar jyp u fuckin twice hoe

**c.seungcheol:** shuT THE FUCK UP LIKEY IS A BOP

**hanniebaby:** bithc i don’t care that you’re a slut for momo just fuckin say ass

**c.seungcheol:** but then jihoon will hate me

**seokmintyfresh:** jihoon hyung could never hate you! :O

**hanniebaby:** do it

**c.seungcheol:** um

**soon-young-always:** one of us

**junhuwui:** onE OF US

**c.seungcheol:** this is peer pressure

**seokmintyfresh:** ONE OF US!!!

**angryskitty:** i fuckin dare u scrublord

**c.seungcheol:** ass

_angryskitty has left the groupchat asS_


	2. what do u mean u're not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hanniebee: what the fuck did i do to deserve this
> 
> jisooholy: it's my love
> 
> jisooholy: take it
> 
> hanniebee: i don't want your love if it's a meme of my face

**[7:51 AM]**

_boonon and vernkwan_

**seungkwannie:** hansol

 **seungkwannie:** hansollie

 **seungkwannie:** solliiieeeee

 **seungkwannie:** choi hansol if you’re not awake i’ll kill you

 **hansollie:** I’M AWAKE I’M AWAKE STOP CALLING

 **hansollie:** im outside class, where r u?

 **seungkwannie:** i”k orq jist geab a seta

 **hansollie:** need help?

 **seungkwannie:** JUAT SOT

 **hansollie:** okay okay im sitting dont get ur panties in a twist

 **hansollie:** wait i see u

 **hansollie:** did u srsly walk 20 mins in the cold to get me my white choc frappe

 **hansollie:** u big softie

 

**[8:13 AM]**

_boonon and vernkwan_

**seungkwannie:** stop staring at ur diabetes-inducing melted chocolate ice death and drink it already

 **hansollie:** who cares its not like itll melt

 **hansollie:** why aren’t u eating the croissant i got u

 **hansollie:** i had to wake up an hour early just to get it fresh from paris baguette

 **seungkwannie:** shut uP i’m sAvouRinG IT

 **seungkwannie:** and i _didn’t_ cry when i saw u holding it shut up

 **hansollie:** i didnt say anything

 **seungkwannie:** i’m like 2 seats away stop snickeirnf

 

**[8:14 AM]**

_asS_

**seokmintyfresh:** GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!!!

 **soon-always-young:** DON’T SEND THE SELAC

 **seokmintyfresh:** what why? : <

 **channieontop:** yeah hyung why

 **seokmintyfresh:** NOBODY MOVE

 **channieontop:** he didn’t say simon says

 **channieontop:** send it hyung

 **germgyu:** oh my god u thirsty fucker jsut s t o p

_l.jihoon was added_

**soon-always-young:** OKAY NOW SEND IT BABE

 **l.jihoon:** let me die

 **seokmintyfresh:** OKAY HYUNG  <3

 **seokmintyfresh:**

**soon-always-young:** oh. my. god.

 **germgyu:** i think soonyoung hyung broke

 **channieontop:** what.

 **channieontop:** my eyes.

 **channieontop:**

**channieontop:** _perfection_.

 **seokmintyfresh:** channie!!!!!! (〃ω〃) (〃ω〃)

 **soon-always-young:** @seokmintyfresh

 **soon-always-young:**

**seokmintyfresh:** ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

 **babysol:** <3

 **babysol:** love u too u cutie

 **soon-always-young:** what

 **channieontop:** _what_

 **seokmintyfresh:** :O hansol??????

 **soon-always-young:** wtf dude stay away

 **channieontop:** @babysollie Explain.

 **germgyu:** oh shit  @haoabtno @babykwan @junhuwui u gotta get on here hoes shit about to get good

 **haoabtno:** what i’m trying to sleep

 **germgyu:** we have class in an hour why are u still sleeping

 **babysol:** wait whatd i do wrong

 **babysol:** oh fuck wait

 **babysol:** oh fuck uh

 **babysol:** wait fuck i can explain

 **babysol:** uh

 **channieontop:** I’m waiting.

 **babykwan:** babe jsut tell him alrdy

 **babykwan:** it’ll be embarrssinag to see u beat up by a baby half ur height

 **haoabtno:** babe

 **germgyu:** babe

 **junhuwui:** babe uwu

 **wonwoouldustfu:** yea?

 **junhuwui:** _not you_

 **junhuwui:** but hi babe  <3

 **haoabtno:** not now gays theree’s _drama_

 **l.jihoon:** did u mean guys

 **haoabtno:** no

_haoabtno changed l.jihoon’s name to grumpygrandpa_

**grumpygrandpa:** what the Fuck

 **grumpygrandpa:** change it

 **germgyu:** shit yea hao u gotta be respectful

_germgyu changed grumpygrandpa’s name to grumpiestgrandpa_

**germgyu:** much better

 **grumpiestgrandpa:** chOKE

 **babysol:** okay that was meant to go to a private chat????

 **babysol:** not at seokmin hyung??????

 **babysol:** so chill ur tits  @soon-always-young @channieontop

 **soon-always-young:** wait wait so who were u sending it to

 **seokmintyfresh:** his girlfriend!!!!!! :O

 **seokmintyfresh:** congratulations sollie!!!!!!!!

 **babykwan:** no

 **babykwan:** no one calls him sollie only i call him sollie got it

 **haoabtno:** wow posesssivee much?

 **babysol:** (1) im literally gay

 **babykwan:** ahem

 **babysol:** sorry

 **babysol:** *gay™

 **babysol:** and (2) that msg was supposed to be sent to seungkwan

 **babykwan:** awwwwww

 **babykwan:** <3

 **haoabtno:** what just happened

 **junhuwui:** when did seungkwan and hansol start dating owo

 **babykwan:** eh?

 **babysol:** what

 **babykwan:** we’re????? not????? dantig?????

 **babysol:** ^^^^ yea

 **hanniebee:** what do u mean u’re not?

 **jisooholy:** don’t tell me the two of you are just gay best friends who aren’t attracted to each other at all

 **jisooholy:** that’s not how this works, guys

 **babykwan:** what, friendshpo? bc that’s kinda how it works, hyung

 **babykwan:** and wherre the fuck have u guys been

 **jisooholy:** lang

 **jisooholy:** i’m not even going to bother

 **hanniebee:** language, kids

 **jisooholy:**

**hanniebee:** what the fuck did i do to deserve this

 **jisooholy:** it’s my love

 **jisooholy:** take it

 **hanniebee:** i don’t want your love if it’s a meme of my face

 **jisooholy:**

**hanniebee:** @junhuwui you’re not allowed to spend time with my hubby anymore

 **grumpiestgrandpa:** u guys aren’t even dating how the fuck r u two married

 **jisooholy:** cheol

 **hanniebee:** seungcheol

 **wonwoouldustfu:** i have a video fo the ceremonty

 **haoabtno:** is that the one where gyu is running around shireltss in the bakcgronud

 **wonwoouldustfu:** yea

 

**[9:08 AM]**

_haoabtno, wonwoouldustfu_

**haoabtno:** hey

 **wonwoouldustfu:** did u srsly just msg me to get that video

 **haoabtno:** no

 **haoabtno:** maybe

 **haoabtno:** yes

 **haoabtno:** pls

 **haoabtno:** i need it like i need air

 **wonwoouldustfu:** why

 **haoabtno:** …… research

 **wonwoouldustfu:** okay,,,, sounds fake but okay,,,,,

 **wonwoouldustfu:** jihan_marriage_ceremony.mp4

 **wonwoouldustfu:** we’re talking about this eventually

 **haoabtno:** yeah no

 **haoabtno:** later loser hyung

 **wonwoouldustfu:** good to know u still have some manners left ig

 

**[9:08 AM]**

_asS_

**c.seungcheol:** wait

 **c.seungcheol:** waitwaitwait

 **c.seungcheol:** jisoo and jeonghan aren’t dating??????

 **hanniebee:** dude we’ve been friends since freshman year what the fuck

 **c.seungcheol:** idk i thought u were dating since Jisoo kept whining abt me marrying u guys cos i was there to see the whole thing

 **c.seungcheol:** i assumed “the whole thing” was u guys falling in love n dating n shit

 **hanniebee:** what

 **jisooholy:** wow look at the time I have to go water my dog

 **jisooholy:** bye!!!

 **soon-always-young:** water

 **channieontop:** your

 **seokmintyfresh:** DOG!??!??!?!?

 **germgyu:** how tf did u three do that

 

**[9:08 AM]**

_the Soft™ Soo and the Baby™ Cheol_

**softboy:** seungcheol!!!!!

 **softboy:** why did you say that!!!!!!

 **accbaby:** i thought u told him!!!

 **accbaby:** i thought he knew!!!!

 **accbaby:** he started calling u babe!!!!!!

 **softboy:** it’s nothing……

 **accbaby:** jisoo u’re the only one he calls babe

 **softboy:** he calls chan his baby!!!!

 **accbaby:** he calls chan his baby like he pushed the boy out of his own non-existent birth canal and raised him on his back for twelve years

 **accbaby:** it really doesn’t count

 **softboy:** well jeonghan could never like me back

 **softboy:** you saw the way he reacted when you said what you said

 **softboy:** why am i so gross why can’t jeonghan like me back

 **accbaby:** what.

 **accbaby:** what are u talking abt. u’re not gross?????

 **accbaby:** u’re the furthest thing from gross tf

 **accbaby:** u’re cute and pretty and smoking hot

 **accbaby:** not to mention sweet and kind and a total sweetheart

 **accbaby:** and u play the guitar???????

 **accbaby:** wow instanut

 **accbaby:** and ur voice when u sing?????

 **accbaby:** wow @god did u lose an angel?????? bc i found one right here and his name is hong jisoo

 **softboy:** oh my god seungcheol you’re such a nerd

 **accbaby:** someone’s got to hype u up while jeonghan’s being a dumbass

 **softboy:** seungcheol!!!

 **accbaby:** that’s my name

 **accbaby:** don’t wear it out

 **softboy:** ……..  <3

 **accbaby:** <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 

**[9:10 AM]**

_asS_

**grumpiestgrandpa:** every time i see this chat name i want to claw my own eyes out

 **grumpiestgrandpa:** how do i change it

 **hanniebee:** are u telling me u don’t know how to change chat names

 **grumpiestgrandpa:** no

 **hanniebee:** u don’t know how to change usernames either do u

 **grumpiestgrandpa:** ………. no

 **grumpiestgrandpa:** shut the fuck up jeonghan i can hear u laughing through the thin-ass walls

 **hanniebee:** hah u said ass

 **grumpiestgrandpa:** motherfucker

_hanniebee changed grumpiestgrandpa’s name to ass-prince_

**ass-prince:** i will piss on ur dead body

 **ass-prince:** teach me

 **hanniebee:** excuse me? do i look like one of your minions

 **ass-prince:** yes u do

 **ass-prince:** yes u do _hyung_

 **ass-prince:** now stop blasting motherfuckin rick astley

 **ass-prince:** I SAID TURN THAT SHIT DOWN

 **ass-prince:** I’M SORRY NO U’RE NOT A MINION HYUNG

 **ass-prince:** no i’m not saying i’m a minion drop dead hyung

 **c.seungcheol:** i don’t know what i’m seeing, but i think i like it???????

 **c.seungcheol:** i take it back turn down the stereo  @hanniebee the ra made a complaint

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: maybe i'll update once a week  
> brain: no update once u finish writing
> 
> this is a really fun fic and i have ideas so????? this is a good thing????? i will update next week (hopefully)!
> 
> also!!! pairings!!! they're slowly coming to light, aren't they? :3c
> 
> as usual, feel free to talk to me and approach me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/serraminiauthor) or [tumblr](http://minteayoongimakesmewoozi.tumblr.com/) to talk about this fic or about the boys!


	3. protection squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> germgyu: has anyone ever told u that u have the emotional range of a flea
> 
> ass-prince: gyu pls
> 
> ass-prince: don't insult the fleas like that
> 
> haoabtno: don't be a whore callin a prostituet a slut, hyung
> 
> wonwoouldustfu: can't u just use pot calling the kettle black like everyone else
> 
> haoabtno: no i can't be mainstramm

**[12:32 PM]**

_asS_

**haoabtno:** i’d just like to put it out here that  @germgyu is an idioit

 **germgyu:** at least _I_ can spell, wanklord

 **germgyu:** someone please tell minghao that our greek mythology lecture is in lecture hall 3024 and not 2034

 **wonwoouldustfu:** ur greek mythology lecture is in lecture hall 3024 and not 2034

 **seokmintyfresh:** ur lecture hall sounds like 2048!!! :O

 **ass-prince:** don’t u bitches have anything better to do

 **ass-prince:** like class

 **ass-prince:** just go to ur stupid lecture together

 **haoabtno:** don’t call our greek mythology lecture stupid u midget

 **seokmintyfresh:** MINGHAO!!!!!!

 **haoabtno:** *midget hyung

 **ass-prince:** fuck ur lecture i’m gonna kill u so it doesn’t matter where it is

 **haoabtno:** to kill me u’d have to get out of ur dorm and see people

 **ass-prince:** damn it

 **seokmintyfresh:** jihoon hyung’s right! why don’t u two just walk to ur lecture together???

 **germgyu:** i’d rather cut off both my legs and eat them raw rather than go all the way across campus to the dumb foreign languages building

 **haoabtno:** don’t be salty just cos u’re barely bilingual

 **haoabtno:** bu yao zuo ge xiao jian huo

 **germgyu:** tf u just say to me scrublord

 **junhuwui:** he said don’t be a lil bitch in chinese uwu

 **haoabtno:** don’t snake me

 **junhuwui:** hiss hiss whore

 **haoabtno:** r u still angry abt that time i cockblocked u and wonwoo hyung

 **junhuwui:** what? no

 **junhuwui:** why would i be angry?

 **junhuwui:** why would i be pissed that u interrupted mine and wonwoo's private time?

 **junhuwui:** why would i be angry that u’re the reason i didn’t get a good dicking?

 **junhuwui:** all bc of u and ur stupid emotional problems?

 **germgyu:** u – he’s not using that dumb face

 **germgyu:** it’s freaking me out, man

 **haoabtno:** we don’t talk about the e word

 **junhuwui:** what, emotions? uwu

 **haoabtno:** i’m breaking out in hives do fucking nOT

 **germgyu:** has anyone ever told u that u have the emotional range of a flea

 **ass-prince:** gyu pls

 **ass-prince:** don’t insult the fleas like that

 **haoabtno:** don’t be a whore callin a prostituet a slut, hyung

 **wonwoouldustfu:** can’t u just use pot calling the kettle black like everyone else

 **haoabtno:** no i can’t be mainstramm

 **germgyu:** not that this isn’t stimulating conversation

 **germgyu:** but  @haoabtno we need to be in class in like 5mins

 **germgyu:** wehre are u

 **haoabtno:** i’m at 2034

 **haoabtno:** where our lecture is

 **germgyu:** no it’s at 3024

 **haoabtno:** no it’s at 2034

 **germgyu:** u know what

 **germgyu:** i hope u’re stuck in a boring ass lecture

 

**[2:06 PM]**

_asS_

**haoabtno:** okay

 **haoabtno:** so

 **haoabtno:** this was perhaps, in some manner or form, akin to a mistake

 **germgyu:** it was the wrong lecture theatre

 **haoabtno:** yes

 **germgyu:** u completely missed our greek myth lecture

 **haoabtno:** yes

 **germgyu:** u’re an idiot

 **haoabtno:** let’s not be hasty abt this

 **haoabtno:** i’ve suffered enough

 **haoabtno:** i sat through a whole hour of plant biology

 **haoabtno:** i’m a _history major_

 **seokmintyfresh:** i thought that was you!!!!!!!

 **seokmintyfresh:** you were in my lecture!!!!!! :D

 **haoabtno:** why didn’t u tell me i was in the wrong lecture hall………

 **seokmintyfresh:** OH!!!! well!!!!! i……… didn’t notice???????

 **haoabtno:** seokmin

 **seokmintyfresh:** yes?????

 **soon-always-young:** choose ur words carefully, young man (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

 **haoabtno:** …………

 **haoabtno:** nothing u’re very smart seokmin I didn’t undserdayn an thing in tht lecture

 **soon-always-young:** that’s what I thought

 **seokmintyfresh:** ????!!!!! THANK U HAO (*^▽^*)

 **germgyu:** has anyone else noticed that soonyoung hyung can be scary sometimes

 **germgyu:** but only when it comes to seokminnie

 **wonwoouldustfu:** yes

 **wonwoouldustfu:** chan too

 **germgyu:** oh shiet u rite

 **ass-prince:** who are u even dating  @soon-always-young

 **ass-prince:** is it seokmin or chan

 **soon-always-young:** yes

 **ass-prince:** that’s not an answer

 **soon-always-young** : _yes_

 

**[2:13 PM]**

_⁕ Sunflower Protection Squad ⁕_

**snapdragonchan:** hyung???

 **sunflowermin:** yes baby?

 **solaryoung:** yea babe?

 **snapdragonchan:** ….  @solaryoung

 **sunflowermin:** : <

 **snapdragonchan:** minnie hyung no

 **snapdragonchan:** <3 <3 <3

 **sunflowermin:** <3

 **snapdragonchan:** anyway  @solaryoung hyung, u’re not gonna tell them?

 **solaryoung:** no

 **snapdragonchan:** are u,,,,, ashamed of us,,,,,,

 **solaryoung:** NO

 **solaryoung:** NO NO NO NEVER

 **solaryoung:** i just don’t want to jinx it!!!!!!!

 **solaryoung:** don’t be mad babe?

 **snapdragonchan:** i’m not mad……..

 **sunflowermin:** >< channie!!!!! baby!!!!!!

 **sunflowermin:** hyungie and i would never be ashamed of u!!!!! of us!!!!!!!

 **snapdragonchan:** okay,,,,,,

 **sunflowermin:** where are you???? i’m done with classes today, so let’s go on a date!!!!

 **sunflowermin:** @solaryoung are u free tonight?

 **solaryoung:** i have dance til 8 (っ- ‸ – ς)

 **solaryoung:** you and channie have fun, cupcake!!!!!!

 **sunflowermin:** ✿♥‿♥✿

 **snapdragonchan:** ♥

 **sunflowermin:** text us when you’re done with dance!!!!! We can walk back to the dorms together!!!!!!!

 

**[2:07 PM]**

_Talents <3_

**kwonreographer:** jihoon

 **prodhooncer:** yea

 **kwonreographer:** don’t ask

 **prodhooncer:** ?

 **prodhooncer:** ask what?

 **kwonreographer:** abt me and seokmin and chan

 **prodhooncer:** why?

 **prodhooncer:** i mean

 **prodhooncer:** u don’t have to tell me now

 **prodhooncer:** u don’t have to tell me ever if u don’t want to

 **kwonreographer:** i’ll explain everything

 **kwonreographer:** eventually

 **kwonreographer:** but just

 **kwonreographer:** don’t bring it up in the grp again

 **prodhooncer:** ok ok i won’t

 **prodhooncer:** if i made the kids uncomfy then pass them my apologies, yea?

 **kwonreographer:** got it  <3

 **kwonreographer:** thanks hoonie  <3

 **prodhooncer:** …

 **prodhooncer:** <3

 **kwonreographer:** biffle!!!!!!

 **prodhooncer:** call me that again and i’ll burn ur friendship bracelet

 **kwonreographer:** D:

 

**[5:45 PM]**

_asS_

**c.seungcheol:** wait who renamed my grpchat ass

 **ass-prince:** _ur_ grpchat? why is it _ur_ grpchat????

 **c.seungcheol:** uh bc i created it?????

 **wonwoouldustfu:** why did u tho

 **c.seungcheol:** why did i what

 **wonwoouldustfu:** make the grpchat

 **c.seungcheol:** uh. what

 **c.seungcheol:** idk i suddenly can’t read??????

 

**[5:45 PM]**

_seungcheol the useless lump_

**useless-lump:** quick what do i tell him

 **jeonghansolo:** fuck if i know

 **angelsoo:** how about the truth??????

 **actual-hansol-o:** hyung he cant say he made the grp as an excuse to talk to jihoon hyung

 **changel:** hansol hyung’s right, it’s kinda embarrassing

 **changel:** u know, that cheol hyung doesn’t have the balls to talk to jihoon hyung w/o an excuse

 **useless-lump:** yes thank u for that chan i was completely unaware of the fact that i’m a pathetic piece of ham whenever i’m confronted with jihoon's presence

 **changel:** np hyung

_useless-lump changed changel’s name to chandevil_

**chandevil:** hyung have i ever told u that u’re a petty man

 **useless-lump:** no but u never had to

 **chandevil:** i hope u know i think u and jihoon hyung are a matchmade in heaven

 **chandevil:** just from ur pettiness levels

 **useless-lump:** awww thank u  <3 <3 <3

 **chandevil:** pls don’t it’s scary

 **chandevil:** i’ll sic soonyoung on u

 **useless-lump:** u make it sound like i should be scared

 **useless-lump:** i’m his hyung???????

 **chandevil:** yea but i’m his baby

 **jeonghansolo:** no u’re my baby??????

 **chandevil:** no, hyung. not anymore

 **jeonghansolo:** </3

 **chandevil:** yes

 **useless-lump:**

**angelsoo:** okay,,,,,

 **angelsoo:** one of these days we’re gonna address the number of jihoon pics u have in ur phone,,,,,,,

 **angelsoo:** _and then_ we’ll talk about the number of pics u made into memes

 **useless-lump:** no u don’t understand

 **useless-lump:** he was munching on the popcorn like it had all the answers to life

 **useless-lump:** it was so cute he looked so nervous he did a lil gulp

 **jeonghansolo:** i was wondering when we’d see seungcheol going off about jihoon doing something completely normal again

 **useless-lump:** _shut up u don’t understand he’s the cutest thing ever to walk this earth_

 **jeonghansolo:** i’ve seen cuter

 **actual-hansol-o:** me too

 **chandevil:** yeah same, he’s not _the_ cutest

 **useless-lump:** blasphemy

 **angelsoo:** he’s pretty cute tho, our jihoonie

 **useless-lump:** thank u, u cultured gentleman

 **useless-lump:** thank u for being better than the rest of these uncultured swine

 **jeonghansolo:** we’ll leave u to suffer

 **useless-lump:** please no i’m hopeless please help me woo jihoon

 **actual-hansol-o:** hyung why not just tell jihoon hyung that u made the grpchat bc its the only one that has all 13 of us

 **jeonghansolo:** ……

 **angelsoo:** ………

 **chandevil:** ………..

 **useless-lump:** …………

 **useless-lump:** HANSOL U’RE A GENIUS

 **useless-lump:** I COULD KISS U

 **angelsoo:** please…… do not

 **chandevil:** wow

 **chandevil:** calling hansol hyung a genius

 **chandevil:** not something u see every day

 **actual-hansol-o:** yeah

 **actual-hansol-o:** hEY

 

**[5:47 PM]**

_asS_

**c.seungcheol:** oh well i just realised there wasn’t a chat for all 13 of us ahahahah

 **soon-always-young:** sus

 **c.seungcheol:** what

 **c.seungcheol:** i’m nOT SusPIciOus yOu aRE

 **hanniebee:** why are u freaking out

 **c.seungcheol:** I’M nOt frEAkinG OuT YoU ARE

 **ass-prince:** wait

 

**[5:47 PM]**

_seungcheol the useless lump_

**useless-lump:** fuck he’s onto me

 **chandevil:** rip hyung can i have ur twice albums

 **useless-lump:** YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE TWICE

 **chandevil:** yea but soonyoung hyung does

 **useless-lump:** die

 

**[5:47 PM]**

_asS_

**ass-prince:** how come cheol gets to keep his name

 **ass-prince:** no one’s changed it

 **ass-prince:** this isn’t fucking fair

 **c.seungcheol:** ??? oH

 **c.seungcheol:** oh _that’s_ all

 **ass-prince:** what do u mean that’s all

 **ass-prince:** it’s not _fair_

 **c.seungcheol:** awwwwww jihoonie

 **c.seungcheol:** want me to change my name for u?

 **ass-prince:** i never said that

_c.seungcheol changed their name to cheolkang_

**hanniebee:** bitch that’s weak

_hanniebee changed cheolkang’s name to whippedass_

**hanniebee:** much better

 **whippedass:** choke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu what is this???
> 
> is this,,,, possibly,,,,, plot?????????????
> 
> who knows owo
> 
> also here's a s/o to my friends for providing the chinese pinyin for this chapter <3 (i'm not chinese don't come at me pls n thank) 
> 
> sorry for the lack of wonwoo in this chapter ;-; with thirteen members, it's so hard to give everyone equal screen time. if you think a member needs more screentime (or if you have something you think should be in this fic), then hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/serraminiauthor) or [tumblr](http://minteayoongimakesmewoozi.tumblr.com/)!


	4. what's going on here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whippedfucker: choke
> 
> wonwoouldustfu: i could be on my bf’s dick but u killed that
> 
> channieontop: no
> 
> channieontop: there are some things i don’t need to know
> 
> channieontop: that is all of them
> 
> soon-always-young: i’m sure there are other things u wouldn’t want to know
> 
> soon-always-young: like who tops

**[2:52 AM]**

_beauty n beast_

**hanniebee:** hey, cheol

**cheolkang:** go away i’m sleeping

**hanniebee:** if u’re gonna play susperstar jyp then at least put on ur headphones

**cheolkang:** ………..

**cheolkang:** what

**hanniebee:** jisoo

**cheolkang:** what abt him????

**hanniebee:** he’s avoiding me

**cheolkang:** really i never noticed

**hanniebee:** what do u know u snot sucker

**cheolkang:** sorry, the bro code prohibits me from saying anything

**hanniebee:** but,,,,, bro,,,,,,,,

**cheolkang:** nope

**cheolkang:** jisoo’s bro code trumps ours rn

**cheolkang:** unless……. there’s something u want to tell me

**hanniebee:** no of course not go tf to sleep

**cheolkang:** susdskfn

**cheolkang:** i’m keeping ur pillow it’s mine now

 

**[5:08 AM]**

_c.seungcheol started a groupchat!_

_l.jihoon was added_  
wonwoouldustfu was added  
seokmintyfresh was added  
soon-always-young was added  
channieontop was added

_c.seungcheol renamed the groupchat Suspicious™_

**l.jihoon:** it’s ass oclock in the morning

**l.jihoon:** the sun isn’t even up

**l.jihoon:** do u hate me

**l.jihoon:** or do u hate me

**c.seungcheol:** noooooo i could never hate u

**soon-always-young:** coughs

**l.jihoon:** shUT

**wonwoouldustfu:** sus

**l.jihoon:** I will kill everything you love.

**wonwoouldustfu:** u’d never do that u love junhui too much

**l.jihoon:** Fuck

**c.aseungcheol:** anyway can we please get back on topic

**soon-always-young:** there’s a topic?????

**soon-always-young:** wild™

**c.seungcheol:** are u done

**soon-always-young:** yea ig

**c.seungcheol:** anyway we need to talk about jisoo and jeonghan

**soon-always-young:** oh u mean about how they’re in love with each other

**channieontop:** but both of them don’t see it

**seokmintyfresh:** AND THEY’RE TOO OBLIVIOUS TO CONFESS!!!!  >:[

**wonwoouldustfu:** so now u’re _finally_ meddling?????

**l.jihoon:** is that a thing that’s happening

_soon-always-young changed l.jihoon’s name to cluelesscuddlypuff_

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** i hate everyone

**seokmintyfresh:** : <

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** cept u

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** and seungcheol hyung

**seokmintyfresh:** :D

**c.seungcheol:** awww jihoonie

**c.seungcheol:** <3

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** dkqodqjdq

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** sry my phone fell

**c.seungcheol:** did anyone here that sound

**c.seungcheol:** sounded like a giggle or smth

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** idk sounds like fake news hyung

**wonwoouldustfu:** @c.seungcheol *hear

**c.seungcheol:** lit fuck off

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** ur grammar is atrocious hyung

**c.seungcheol:** yea i know

_wonwoouldustfu changed c.seungcheol’s name to whippedfucker_

**whippedfucker:** choke

**wonwoouldustfu:** i could be on my bf’s dick but u killed that

**channieontop:** no

**channieontop:** there are some things i don’t need to know

**channieontop:** that is all of them

**soon-always-young:** i’m sure there are other things u wouldn’t want to know

**soon-always-young:** like who tops

**channieontop:** no

**channieontop:**  

**soon-always-young:** okay i won’t

**soon-always-young:** (they switch)

**soon-always-young:** (but junhui usually tops)

**channieontop:** u’re a dick

**soon-always-young:** ;)

**seokmintyfresh:** SOONYOUNGIE HYUNG!!!! :O

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** Google: how to erase memories

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** how do u even know that

**wonwoouldustfu:** how _do_ u know that

**soon-always-young:** did u noe junhui’s one of those talkative drunks

_soon-always-young changed their name to detectivekwonan_

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** u’re so lame i’m dissolving this friendship

**detectivekwonan:** u can’t do that i Know Things

**whippedfucker:** not that i’m not interested

**whippedfucker:** but back to the topic at hand

**wonwoouldustfu:** god soonyoung u’re such detective conan trash

**channieontop:** takes one to know one

**channieontop:** _hyung_

**whippedfucker:** BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND

**whippedfucker:** THE ONE ABOUT JISOO AND JENONGHAN

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** who tf is jenonghan

**detectivekwonan:** ednoedjqwo jENonGhAN

**channieontop:** cmon hyung u noe jenonghan

**channieontop:** my fave hyung

**detectivekwonan:** yong jenonghan the type of guy to be chill even when u steal his car and accidentally dent the bumper

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** jeonghan hyung would skin u alive if u did that

**detectivekwonan:** god jihoonie i’m talking abt jenonghan hyung

**detectivekwonan:** get with the program

**wonwoouldustfu:** vote yong jenonghan hyung for president

**whippedfucker:** TOPIC

**whippedfucker:** CAN WE PLEASE STAY ON TOPIC FOR TWO MINUTES

**seokmintyfresh:** I KNOW

**seokmintyfresh:** LET’S LOCK THEM IN A ROOM AND MAKE THEM TALK TO EACH OTHER

**whippedfucker:** jfc seokmin that is th

**whippedfucker:** oh my god

**detectivekwonan:** (ง •̀_•́)ง

**channieontop:** (ง’̀-‘́)ง

**whippedfucker:** SEOKMIN U’RE A GENIUS

**whippedfucker:** I COULD KISS U

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** no

**channieontop:** excuse u

**detectivekwonan:** I think the fuck not.

**wonwoouldustfu:** _everyone_ in this gc is Suspicious™

 

**[3:15 PM]**

_Suspicious™_

**whippedfucker:** does everyone remember the plan

**seokmintyfresh:** yes!!!

**seokmintyfresh:** @whippedfucker hyung, u’ll bring hannie hyung to jihoon hyung’s studio!!!!!

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** i’ll ask jisoo hyung to come over under the guise of helping me with a song

**wonwoouldustfu:** @detectivekwonan and i will lock them in

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** break the door and i break ur dicks

**wonwoouldustfu:** u can’t do that to junhui

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** fucking try me scrublord

**channieontop:** i have a question

**seokmintyfresh:** ? what’s wrong, channie?

**channieontop:** why didn’t we add the other hyungs?

**channieontop:** i mean other than jisoo and jeonghan hyungs

**channieontop:** they know abt it too

_babykwan was added_   
_babysol was added_   
_haoabtno was added_   
_germgyu was added_   
_junhuwui was added_

**detectivekwonan:** i think that’s every1

**germgyu:** what dis

**junhuwui:** what’s going on here uwu

**babykwan:** we’re miissng jeonghan hyung and jisoo hyung tho

**babykwan:** jihoon hyung’s glare is telling me not to think about adding them

**babykwan:** what’s going on?

**seokmintyfresh:** LOVE

**babykwan:** mwo

**channieontop:** what minnie hyung is saying

**channieontop:** is that we’re gonna get jisoo and jeonghan hyungs together

**junhuwui:** minnie hyung

**babykwan:** that’s actually adorabubble what the fuck

**haoabtno:** adorabubble

**haoabtno:** what kinda crack is ur autocorrect on

**babykwan:** shUT UP fUCKTARD

**haoabtno:**

**haoabtno:** sHuT uP fUcKtArD

**germgyu:** i’d love it if u weren’t a meme for just one (1) day

**haoabtno:** i could

**haoabtno:** but i don’t have enough fucks to give

**haoabtno:** so fuck u

**germgyu:** u could but u wouldn’t be able to handle me

**haoabtno:** well i

**haoabtno:** what

**babysol:** ??????

**babysol:** did mingyu hyung just,,,,,,, flirt with minghao hyung,,,,,,,,,,,

**babykwan:** one couple at a time

**babykwan:** jihan hyungs first

**babykwan:** wdneifewjijd i see jisoo hyung!!!!!

**babykwan:** jihoon hyung just intercepted him

**babykwan:** “r u sure u wanna use me instead of seungkwan? He’s got the better voice”

**babykwan:** what an angel we don’t deserve him

**babykwan:** they’re too far away nao idk what’s happening

**detectivekwonan:** damn it this is the only spot of tea i’ve had all day

**seokmintyfresh:** i made you tea before your class started this morning??????

**detectivekwonan:** no seokmin i’m talking about The Good Tea™

**detectivekwonan:**

**seokmintyfresh:** ………….

**detectivekwonan:** the tea u made me this morn was also Very Good Tea  <3

**seokmintyfresh:** …………..  <3

**channieontop:** oooohhhh boy u were _this_ close to getting tea-banned  @detectivekwonan

**babykwan:** updeate: jihoon hyung just left the studio

**babykwan:** cheol hyung is in sight

**babykwan:** he’s with jeonghan hyung over

**babysol:** babe were not on walkie talkies u dont have to say over

**babykwan:** shut up lemme have this

**babykwan:** over

**babykwan:** oh shit hannie hyung is inside

**babykwan:** i think he noticed soo hyugn is in there

**babykwan:** CHEOL HYUNG IS MUSCLING THE DOOR SHUT

**babykwan:** JIHOON HYUNG DON’T JUST STAND THER E HELP HIM

**babykwan:** JIHOON HYUNG’S JUST STARING AT CHEOL HYUNG’S ARMS

**babykwan:** SOMEONE HELP CHEOL HYUNG

**junhuwui:** uwu I love it when someone exposes jihoon's thirsty ass

**babykwan:** for someone who namps a lot, hannie hyung sur is stronk

**babykwan:** @detectivekwonan @wonwoouldustfu you’ve been summoned

**babykwan:** WHERE DID U GET THAT 2 BY 4

**babykwan:** THEY BARRED THE DOOR

**babykwan:** NGL IT LOOKS REALLY MEDIEVAL

**babykwan:** people are staring jnodjidjoaj

**babykwan:** no one’s approaching bc it’s jihoon hyung’s studio i think

**babykwan:** does anyone ever wonder what jihoon hyung does to make everyone so scared of him

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** i threaten to disembowel anyone who knocks on my door without permission

**junhuwui:** people need permission to _knock on ur door_?????

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** i said what i said

**babykwan:** jnfoequjdiqwo i need to leave for choir!!!!!!!! who’s gonna send updates??????

**babykwan:** @cluelesscuddlypuff hyung pls

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** No.

**germgyu:** wow, a capital letter _and_ punctuation

**germgyu:** harsh

**whippedfucker:** i’m standing guard

**whippedfucker:** i can do updates

**babykwan:** !!!!!!! hyunf u’re my fave

**babysol:** what

**babysol:** what abt me

**babykwan:** he’s my fave hyung, u’re my fave person  <3

**junhuwui:** tell me i’m not the only one seeing this

**wonwoouldustfu:** one couple at a time, babe

**wonwoouldustfu:** one couple at a time

**junhuwui:** hduoqdqjdjqo

**whippedfucker:** shhhhh i hear noise

**whippedfucker:** jisoo just said “hello, jeonghan” all formally i’m crying

**whippedfucker:** jeonghan just said how’s it hanging i’m cancelling this friendship

**whippedfucker:** jisoo just asked if jeonghan planned this

**whippedfucker:** jeonghan’s vehemently denying

**whippedfucker:** awkward silence

**whippedfucker:** what do we do

**whippedfucker:** JEONGHAN JUST BLRTED OUT I LIKE YOU

**whippedfucker:** jisoo said “i know”?????? but he sounds so sad??????????

**whippedfucker:** baby no he’s trying to say he likes u romantically

**detectivekwonan:** _baby_

**channieontop:** shhhhh not now hyung it’s getting good!!!!!!!

**whippedfucker:** “no no no i like u like i wanna hold ur hand and kiss u and stuff” jeonghan u sly dog

**whippedfucker:** okay it’s quiet again

 

**[4:20 PM]**

_Suspicious™_

**seokmintyfresh:** hyung???????

**seokmintyfresh:** it’s been 10 mins are they still saying nothing

**whippedfucker:** hold on lemme press my ear against the door

**whippedfucker:** was that a moan

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** THEY’RE NOT ALLOWED TO FUCK IN THERE

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** MY STUDIO IS A SACRED PLACE

**cluelesscuddlypuff:** _THEY’RE_ NOT ALLOWED TO DEFILE IT

**detectivekwonan:** am i supposed to believe that emphasis was accidental

**whippedfucker:** jihoON JUS STORMED OVER AND RIPPED THE PLANK FROM THE DOOR

**whippedfucker:** HE THREW THE DOOR OPEN

**whippedfucker:** JISOO IS ON THE OJRGJWIJFOIWEMKAMNDLKNFJ

 

**[4:25 PM]**

_Suspicious™_

**babykwan:** waht the fucke jsut happened

**babykwan:** did cheol hyung die

**channieontop:** rip in pieces hyung

**seokmintyfresh:** wait!!!!!

**seokmintyfresh:** jeonghan hyung is typing in the other chat!!!!!!

 

**[4:25 PM]**

_asS_

**hanniebee:** :)

**hanniebee:** @everyone u’re all assholes

**hanniebee:** esp u  @whippedass

_hanniebee changed their name to jisoo’s-hannie_

_jisooholy changed their name to hannie’s-jisoo_

**seokmintyfresh:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!

**channieontop:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**babykwan:** !!!!!!!!!!!!

**babykwan:** OH MY GOD DID U REALLY

**wonwoouldustfu:** it’s hella gay

**jisoo’s-hannie:** :) don’t make me :) pull up some :) very incriminating :) wrongly sent sexts

**junhuwui:** babe u didn’t

**wonwoouldustfu:** *sweats nervously*

**junhuwui:** babe

**wonwoouldustfu:** I’M SORRY U’RE JUST SO HOT AND MY HAND SLIPPED AND IT WAS THE WRONG CHAT

**junhuwui:** u think i’m hot owo

**wonwoouldustfu:** i’m not saying it here where there are witnesses

**junhuwui:** but babe :’ <

**wonwoouldustfu:** no. it’s bad enough all of them know we regularly sext

**seokmintyfresh:** :O TMI

**channieontop:** I used to be innocent

**channieontop:** Now I have Seen Things

**channieontop:** My innocence can Never be Reclaimed

**babysol:** chan i literally once saw u deepthroat a remote when u figured out u had no gag reflex

**babysol:** then u turned to me and said “fuck chemistry im going into porn”

**soon-always-young:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) tell me more

**channieontop:** hYUnG

**babysol:** dont ever try n fuckin lie to my face ever again

**hannie’s-jisoo:** i can’t believe u guys locked me in a room with jeonghan :(

**babykwan:** we’re so sorry hyung but u just looked so sad all the time and we wanted to make things better

**babykwan:** we’re sorry we ambushed u like this!!!!!!!!

**wonwoouldustfu:** it was all cheol hyung’s idea anyway

**whippedass:** traitor

**whippedass:** sleep with one eye open

**ass-prince:** congrats  @jisoo’s-hannie @hannie’s-jisoo

**jisoo’s-hannie:** :) Jihoon :)

**ass-prince:** Fuck.

**jisoo’s-hannie:** i hope u like falling asleep to the dulcet tones of rick astley crooning never gonna give u up

**jisoo’s-hannie:** on repeat :)

**jisoo’s-hannie:** all :) night :) long :)

**ass-prince:** f u c k

**hannie’s-jisoo:** hannie :( but wanted to sleepover and cuddle tonight :(

**jisoo’s-hannie:** …….. tomorrow night then

**whippedass:** wait

**whippedass:** if he’s coming over

**whippedass:** where am i sposed to go

**jisoo’s-hannie:** :) do I look like I give a shit

**whippedass:** fuck

**soon-always-young:** hah sexiled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu more progression!!! jihan is together!!!! congrats jisoo for having all your dreams come true!!!!!! he deserved it!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> i'm sorry if there's a lack of wonhui and gyuhao, i promise there'll be more of them next chapter!
> 
> as for jicheol............ i have plans for them (i think,,,,,, maybe,,,,,,) ;> soonseokchan as well!!! :D
> 
> jihoon who? seungcheol who? suddenly my fave member is yong jenonghan owo
> 
> if you want to see me freak out about things or see into my mind briefly or watch me breakdown for boosoonseok's digital single release, head on over to my [twitter](https://twitter.com/serraminiauthor) or [tumblr](http://minteayoongimakesmewoozi.tumblr.com/)!


	5. love is in the airs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> germgyu: didn’t u give him ur class schedule for like an assignment u were helping him out with
> 
> haoabtno: uh
> 
> germgyu: u’re also abt as predictable as wonwoo hyung’s allergies
> 
> haoabtno: *sweats nervously* fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon: ass-prince
> 
> Seungcheol: whippedass
> 
> Wonwoo: broodingbabe
> 
> Junhui: babyboy

**[8:22 AM]**

_boyfies_

**darlinghong:** :(

**darlinghong:** where’d u go?

**darlinghong:** :(

**angelyoon:** u’re up!!!

**angelyoon:** i’m just on the way up, babe!!!

**angelyoon:** i brought u breakfast  <3

**darlinghong:** but we were cuddling

**angelyoon:** i knoooowwwww but i’ll be back soon!!! with food!!!!!!

**darlinghong:** and cuddles

**angelyoon:** yes, baby, and cuddles

**darlinghong:** :)

**angelyoon:** i’ve created a monster

**darlinghong:** yes

**angelyoon:** i could get used to this

**darlinghong:** ;)

 

**[2:03 PM]**

_asS_

**ass-prince:** ugh

**ass-prince:** they won’t stop

**seokmintyfresh:** ??? :O who won’t stop, hyung?????

**ass-prince:** _them_

**whippedass:** my eyes

**whippedass:** my ears

**whippedass:** my back

**soon-always-young:** sound like a wild™ night ;)

**whippedass:** yea sure

**whippedass:** and i had it in ur bed too

**soon-always-young:** what.

**soon-always-young:** u did what.

**whippedass:** ;)

**channieontop:**

**channieontop:** I am… Disgusted

**soon-always-young:** @ass-prince u dog

**haoabtno:** fuck u chan for uisng that pic o f me

**soon-always-young:** watch ur tone young man or i’ll end u at our next dance practice :)

**haoabtno:** u don’t scare me hyungn i can kick ur ass to timbuktu

**germgyu:** u??? don’t even know?????? where timbuktu is on the map?????

**haoabtno:** bitch do u thin ki’m lyin

**ass-prince:** did u honestly think i’d have sex in ur bed

**ass-prince:** ur nasty ass bed with sheets u haven’t changed since freshman year

**ass-prince:** don’t be a fucktard

**ass-prince:** u weren’t even in the dorm last night

**ass-prince:** where were u

**whippedass:** i can’t believe u let me sleep in a bed that was as nasty as jeonghan in love??????

**whippedass:** i thought u loved me Jihoon

**ass-prince:** shut

**seokmintyfresh:** hyung???? what were u talking about????? who’s them???????

**seokmintyfresh:** I’M CONFUSED

**soon-always-young:** oh ew

**soon-always-young:** i’m with them now

**soon-always-young:** _it’s jihan hyungs_

**ass-prince:** oh god jeonghan hyung is feeding jisoo hyung

**ass-prince:** i’m gonna throw up

**ass-prince:** seungcheol this is ur fault

**whippedass:** i’ve made a mistake

**soon-always-young:**

**soon-always-young:** the joke wasn’t even that funny?????

**soon-always young:** but they’re giggling so hard??????

**seokmintyfresh:** :O THAT’S SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!

**seokmintyfresh:** I LOVE LOVE (♥ω♥ ) ~♪

**channieontop:** omg hyung’s right it’s really cute?????

**soon-always-young:** okay yeah it’s kinda really fucking cute

**ass-prince:**

**ass-prince:** i was threatened

**whippedass:** don’t fuckin lie u took that picture of ur own accord

**ass-prince:** don’t snake me

**haoabtno:** i think i thre up a little in my mouth

**jisoo’s-hannie:** bitch that’s what i always do when i see ur face

**babykwan:** don’t u just love how jeonghan hyung appeared just to roast hao hyung bc i do

**haoabtno:** shut ur bubble butt chicken nugget ass u fuckin warthog

**babykwan:** suck it u fishstick reject twinky toe wannabe

**ass-prince:** was that even supposed to make sense

**germgyu:** ur mother

**ass-prince:** do u want to die.

**ass-prince:** i’ll strangle u w/ my bare hands

**haoabtno:** can u even reach

**soon-always-young:** urfhoejoew mingHAO RUN

**haoabtno:** why

**whippedass:** HOLY FUCK HE RAN OUT OF THE CAFETERIA

**haoabtno:** he doens’t know where i am

**germgyu:** didn’t u give him ur class schedule for like an assignment u were helping him out with

**haoabtno:** uh

**germgyu:** u’re also abt as predictable as wonwoo hyung’s allergies

**haoabtno:** *sweats nervously* fuck

**germgyu:** ………. i’ll come get u

**haoabtno:** oh thnk god

**soon-always-young:** take a video it’s gonna be good

**haoabtno:** fuck????? you?????

**haoabtno:** i hope u get a drigooiHRUH890hf0wp0439;/3

**seokmintyfresh:** what!!!!! just!!!!!! happened!!!!!!!!

**germgyu:** VDJNFWOOIW HAO JUST GOT TACKLED BY A BLONDE BLUR

**germgyu:** HE’S ON THE FLOOR HE’S SCREECHING

**germgyu:** JIHOON HYUNG HAS HIM IN A HEADLOCK

**whippedass:** THAT’S MY MANZ

**soon-always-young:**

**babykwan:** where do u people get these photos

**wonwoouldustfu:** shut up who cares

**wonwoouldustfu:** i want to know what happened to hao

**wonwoouldustfu:** i have my money on jihoon's tiny ass destroying minghao

**whippedass:** me too

**jisoo’s-hannie:** u would, wouldn’t u?

**whippedass:** shUT UR FUCK MOUTH

**germgyu:** hao_getting_his_ass_beat.mp4

**babykwan:** ndouweijqo i lOVe that nEMA

**wonwoouldustfu:** holy crap that’s one hell of a beating

**junhuwui:** uwu

**junhuwui:** owo

**junhuwui:** i’ll beat his ass for hurting my didi like that

**wonwoouldustfu:** nut

**wonwoouldustfu:** i mean what

**junhuwui:** babe please

 

**[2:12 PM]**

_babe goals_

**broodingbabe:** sweetheart

**broodingbabe:** baby

**broodingbabe:** love of my life

**broodingbabe:** when do you get back from class?

**babyboy:** …….. babe, really?

**broodingbabe:** but baby my dick

**babyboy:** but babe my class

**babyboy:** there’s still another fifteen minutes til my class ends

**broodingbabe:** but baby

**babyboy:** i can’t skip this class!

**babyboy:** play with urself til i get back

**broodingbabe:** ,,,,,, baby boy,,,,,,,,,,,

**babyboy:** _no_

**babyboy:** u can hold out another twenty minutes, can’t u?

**broodingbabe:** baby please i need you

**broodingbabe:** audio_2.25pm.mp3

**babyboy:** fuck this class i’m coming over

**babyboy:** u’d better be ready

 

**[2:25 PM]**

_Smiley Dopey n Angry 97 style_

**angeryhao:** junhui ge just shot past me

**angeryhao:** he didn’t even say hi

**smileymin:** oh no : <

**dopegyu:** oh no did he hurt ur feelings

**angeryhao:** no

**angeryhao:**

**smileymin:** MINGHAO TRANSLATION IN PROGRESS…

**smileymin:** minghao: yes my feelings are very hurt pls baby me bc i need it

**angeryhao:** jkenjdksEFWJEO SEOKMIN STOP

**smileymin:** :( but haohao :(

**smileymin:** want me to buy u cake?????

**angeryhao:** ……….. yes :(

**angeryhao:** are u free nao? :(

**smileymin:** er

**smileymin:** >< no!!! sorry, haohao, how about tomorrow?????

**smileymin:** i’ll buy u cake AND coffee!!!!!!!

**angeryhao:** but why not now

**smileymin:** bc!!!!!!!!

**smileymin:** i have Plans!!!!!!

**angeryhao:** moer impt than coffe n cakes with me? : <

**dopegyu:** I’ll take you???????

**dopegyu:** I’ll buy u all the cakes please stop being sad

**smileymin:** GOTTA GO I’M GONNA BE LATE

**smileymin:** TALK TO YOU GUYS LATER  <3

 

**[2:28 PM]**

_TOL AND TOLLER_

**kermithao:** it’s sus

**memegyu:** what

**kermithao:** when has seokmin ever not buy me cakes when i’m sad

**memegyu:** jqxojwqoijx

**memegyu:** u’re a one track mind kinda guy, u know that

**kermithao:** i like cakes

**kermithao:** i got a sweet tooth that aches when i’m sad

**memegyu:** u big softie

**kermithao:** i’ll beat u black and blue for saying that

**memegyu:** u might have a sweet tooth, but it’s not as sweet as u

**kermithao:** what ThE FUCK fjweifWEJFOWEFJWOJQOWJEO

**memegyu:** ;)

**kermithao:** U’RE WEIRD

**memegyu:** ; )

**kermithao:** ANYWAY

**kermithao:** i wanna follow seokminine it’s all v v sus

**memegyu:** seokminine

**kermithao:** can we pls focus

**memegyu:** what do u expect him to be hiding

**memegyu:** did u think he’s a spy for n.korea or something

**kermithao:** idk mAybE HE’S HIDING A SECRET BF

**memegyu:** maybe for a good reason

**kermithao:** :(

**memegyu:** no it’s not gonna work

**kermithao:** : (

**memegyu:** no

**memegyu:** fuck i can hear u pouting all the way from my korean lit 101 class

**memegyu:** hao pls no i –

**memegyu:** fuck fine i’m out in five minutes, go find out where he is

**kermithao:** :)

**kermithao:** U’RE THE BEST I LOVE U

 

**[2:31 PM]**

_china princes_

**princeming:** fuck

**princeming:** fuckfuckfuckfuCKFUCKFUCK

**princeming:** I ACCIDENTALLY TOLD MINGYU “I LOVE U”

**princeming:** THIS IS A CODE PINK CRISIS

**princeming:** IF YOU’RE GETTING DICK WHILE I’M HAVING THIS CRISIS, I’LL END YOU

**princeming:** AGH

 

**[2:31 PM]**

_180 and aboev_

**186gyu:** JEWFNJWJW

**186gyu:** SDJFOWJHFOIWNW

**186gyu:** CODE UNICORN CODE UNICORN

**186gyu:** THE LOVE WORD WAS SAID

**186gyu:** SO WAS THE I WORD

**186gyu:** AND THE YOU WORD

**186gyu:** AND IT WAS SAID IN THE ORDER 213

**186gyu:** WHAT DO I REPLY

**186gyu:** EXCUSE ME

**186gyu:** HYUNG THIS IS A BIG EMERGENCY UHOIJFOJFOWJE

**186gyu:** I’M GONNA FUCK THIS UP

 

**[2:32 PM]**

_TOL AND TOLLER_

**memegyu:** lol

 

**[2:32 PM]**

_180 and aboev_

**186gyu:** nvm i fucked up

 

**[2:44 PM]**

_asS_

**haoabtno:** okay so mingyu and i are folllowin seokmin

**babykwan:** _why_ r u following seokmin hyung??????

**haoabtno:** cause he’s been acting sus

**germgyu:** because seokmin didn’t buy him cake while he was sulking

**haoabtno:** u’re a drity snake gyu hiss hiss

**germgyu:** :*

**haoabtno:** EYE ON SEOKMIN

**germgyu:** nothing’s happening he’s just with chan

**germgyu:** they’re at this kinda nice, kinda cheap italian place

**babykwan:** don’t tekk me u guys are hiding out behind a plnt like creepy old men

**haoabtno:** no of course not we’ve got a seat and mingyu spent a stupidly long time deciding between getting the seafood marinara, the bacon carbonara or the aglio olia

**haoabtno:** it doesn’t fuckin matter gyu they’re european noodles

**germgyu:** it’s called _pasta_ and it’s a delicacy

**germgyu:** not all of us can eat frog leg soup

**haoabtno:** little bitch just cos that makes u gag

**babykwan:** so u guys are tryin to catch seokmin hyung on a date or something

**babykwan:** by going on a date urself

**babykwan:** Gay™

**haoabtno:** what date it’s just chan

**haoabtno:** they’re talking and eating

**germgyu:** did chan just take seokmin’s hand

**germgyu:** seokmin’s blushing holy shit?????

**germgyu:** HOLY FUCK THEY JUST FUCKIN KISSE DFUHWOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu i never knew how fun it'd be to leave something on a cliffhanger until now
> 
> also wow, all this relationships popping up! and can you believe it's only like the third of february in this fic damn
> 
> i regret that there isn't much seungkwan and no hansol in this chapter, so i'll make sure to make up for it in the next one! as usual, you can hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/serraminiauthor) or [tumblr](http://minteayoongimakesmewoozi.tumblr.com/)!


	6. mammnth's out of ze bageu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hannie’s-jisoo: how come hansol gets a free pass for saying that
> 
> hannie’s-jisoo: but if any of the rest of us tried to say it
> 
> hannie’s-jisoo: we’d have TWINK spelled out in gochujang on our chests in the morning
> 
> babykwan: IN MY DEFENCE
> 
> babykwan: IT WAS A ONE TIME THING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon: ass-prince
> 
> Seungcheol: whippedass

**[2:52 PM]**

_asS_

**channieontop:** oh Fuck.

 

**[2:52 PM]**

_⁕ Sunflower Protection Squad ⁕_

**snapdragonchan:** fuck hyung please

**snapdragonchan:** hyung we’re so sorry

**snapdragonchan:** hyung we need u now

**solaryoung:** Fuck yeah I’m on the way

**solaryoung:** I’ve got autocorrect on so don’t get freaked out

**solaryoung:** How’s Seokminnie?

**snapdragonchan:** i wanna find it cute that miniie hyung’s name autocorretsc like that but i can’t

**snapdragonchan:** pls hutty he’s crying n it hurts

**solaryoung:** Oh no my BABIES

**solaryoung:** I’m still running hyungie is coming

**solaryoung:** How are you holding up Baby?

**snapdragonchan:** im sorry i feeele so dumm dont hate me u n seokminnie huugn were perfect without me

**snapdragonchan:** if ir weren’t for me then everythign would be okay n seokimnin hyung wouldn’t be crying i’m sorry i’m a fuck up

**solaryoung:** NO

**solaryoung:** NO NO NO NO NO

**solaryoung:** No you are not a fuck up you’re beautiful and wonderful and you’ve made Seokminnie and me so much better since you joined us don’t you ever say that about yourself again or I’ll cry

**snapdragonchan:** u look ugly when u cry tho

**solaryoung:** Yeah but you still love me

**snapdragonchan:** yea

**snapdragonchan:** <3

**sunflowermin:** HYUNG

**sunflowermin:** I’M SO SROYY I DIDN’T NOTICE HOA N GUY WERE FOLLOWING US

**sunflowermin:** I RUINED EVERYTIHG CAN U FORGIVE NME

**solaryoung:** Cupcake no you didn’t ruin anything at all

**sunflowermin:** IF TI WERENT FOR ME, THEY WOULDN’T HAVE TRIED TO FOLLOW US

**sunflowermin:** THEN THEY WOULDN’T HAEVB SEEN ME KSIS CNHA

**solaryoung:** No cupcake it’s not your fault don’t cry

**solaryoung:** I’m on my way I had to stop to get cookies and ice cream then we’ll cuddle and talk about it

**solaryoung:** I love the both of you so much and you two are the best things that have ever happened to me in all my years of living

**sunflowermin:** ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚

**sunflowermin:** I LEVO THE BOTH OF U WITAH ALL OF MY HEARY

**snapdragonchan:** i love u guys too ;w;

**snapdragonchan:** soonyoungie hyung hurry back!!!!!!!!

**solaryoung:** I’m running

 

**[3:16 PM]**

_asS_

**ass-prince:** what the fuck mingyu

**ass-prince:** why did u just fucking out them like that

**germgyu:** i

**germgyu:** i didn’t mean to i wasn’t thinking

**ass-prince:** that’s fucking obvious

**ass-prince:** i know u’re not regular einstein but i was hoping u’d have some brain cells in that big head of urs

**haoabtno:** hey u don’t have to go insulting him like taht

**haoabtno:** i was the one who put him up to it

**haoabtno:** lay off him

**ass-prince:** oh so u’re the brainless buffoon who decided it was a good idea to out seokmin and chan like that

**haoabtno:** we didn’t think it was going to be seokmin and Chan

**haoabtno:** u wanna fucking go, pipsuqeaak???????

**haoabtno:** i’ll fuck u up

**ass-prince:** i beat ur noodle armed ass once, i can do it again, wanton face

**whippedass:** Stop.

**whippedass:** Everyone just stop.

**whippedass:** Mingyu, Minghao, it wasn’t right of you to follow Seokmin like that and announce it in the group chat. Apologise. Now.

**germgyu:** @seokmintyfresh @channieontop i am so so sorry we followed u and did something dumb like tell everyone what we saw and embarrassed u in the groupchat like that can u ever forgive me

**haoabtno:** stop crying jfc

**whippedass:** Minghao. Apologise.

**haoabtno:** …

**haoabtno:** i juwt wanna make it clear that i was going to apologise aby way, not just cos u told me to

**haoabtno:** ans also that any typeos i make aren’t becaue e i’m crying

**babykwan:** he’s totally crying

**haoabtno:** SHUT

**haoabtno:** @seokmintyfresh I’m terribly sorry that I followed you so thoughtlessly when I should’ve just left you alone and @channieontop I’m so, so sorry that I’ve been such a huge imbecile and that I’ve done something as heinous as this to you and I hope that you’ll find it in yourself to forgive hyung.

**channieontop:** （ ＴДＴ） hyung!!!!!!!!! it’s okay i forgive you!!!!!!!!

**haoabtno:** AJDNOEJDIQFMDOWFMWOEMFO I’M SO SORRY I’M A DUMBEADD I NEVER WOULD’VE DONE ANYTHING TO HURT BOTH OF YOU I LOVE U GUYS LIKE YOU’ER MY BROTHESR AND I LOVE U GUYS OS MUCH

**germgyu:** wow hao is really crying

**germgyu:** how tf do u still look pretty

**babykwan:** (this is not the time to compilemetn him)

**jisoo’s-hannie:** (just because something is in brackets doesn’t instantly make it a whisper)

**babykwan:**   


**hannie’s-jisoo:** hubby, pls

**jisoo’s-hannie:** but baby

**jisoo’s-hannie:** it’s poor taste to use a crying’s boy’s face for a meme

**babykwan:** are u calling me tastelees

**babysol:** babe no

**babysol:** hes kinda right

**babykwan:** THE BRETALY

**babykwan:** BETRAYAL

**babykwan:** TRAITOR

**babysol:** babe,,,,,,,

**babykwan:** DON’T BABE ME

**junhuwui:** what the fuck did i just miss owo

**wonwoouldustfu:** chan and seokmin are dating

**junhuwui:** fuck

**channieontop:** excuse me what

**wonwoouldustfu:** jun and i had a bet and now i get to cash it in :3

**babysol:** thats creepy hyung stop it

**wonwoouldustfu:** :3c

**babysol:**

**hannie’s-jisoo:** junhui is a terrible influence

**junhuwui:** OWO

**junhuwui:** what u say abt me twink?

 

**[3:28 PM]**

_Smiley Dopey n Angry 97 style_

**dopegyu:** SEOKMIN

**angeryhao:** SEOSKMIN

**dopegyu:** WE’RE SO SORRY

**angeryhao:** WE DIDN’T MEAN TO HURT U N MAKE U CRY

**smileymin:** GUYSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! (﹡ᵗ ᵔ ᵗ ﹡) ｡ﾟ( ﾟஇ‸இﾟ)ﾟ｡

**smileymin:** IT’S OKAY I FORGIVE U

**smileymin:** I SHOULD’VE TOLD U

**dopegyu:** YOU WEREN’T PBLIGSATED TO TELL US ANYTHIGN

**dopegyu:** WE’RE THE ONWS WHO SHOULDN’T HAVBE SNOOPED

**angeryhao:** YEA I’M SORRY I TALKED MINGYU INTO FOLLOWING U ON UR DATE WITH CHAN

**angeryhao:** THAT WAS OUT OF LINE, WE WON’T DO IT AGAIN

**smileymin:** I’LL BE MORE FORTHCOMING ABOUT THINGS TOO

**smileymin:** YOU GUYS ARE MY BESTEST FRIENDS EVER

**dopegyu:** MORE IMPORTATN THAN Chan

**smileymin:** know ur place, gyu

 

**[4:22 PM]**

_l.jihoon, haoabtno_

**l.jihoon:** hey

**haoabtno:** hey…………

**l.jihoon:** i’m sorry

**l.jihoon:** for getting angry

**l.jihoon:** i didn’t mean to hurt ur feelings

**l.jihoon:** i just got defensive

**haoabtno:** no it’s okay, i did a really stupid thing and hurt two fo my closest friendd

**haoabtno:** i deserved it i sohouldn’t have brought mingyu into this

**haoabtno:** ist all my fault

**haoabtno:** i deserved that

**l.jihoon:** hey, stop that

**l.jihoon:** yea u fucked up, but u didn’t deserve to get yelled at like that

**l.jihoon:** even if it’s through text

**haoabtno:** i’m sorry

**l.jihoon:** i’m not the one u need to apologise to

**l.jihoon:** i think… u need to apologise to soonyoung too

**haoabtno:** soonyoung hyung????

**haoabtno:** why him too?????

**l.jihoon:** i’m not sure just yet

**l.jihoon:** but i think we’ll know soon

**haoabtno:** sounds ominous

**l.jihoon:** big word coming form u

**haoabtno:** ……. :(

**l.jihoon:** *sighs heavily*

**l.jihoon:** meet me at the music building at 5, i’ll take u out for ice cream, okay?

**haoabtno:** u don’t have to

**haoabtno:** but i can’t say no to that

 

**[4:42 PM]**

_asS_

**soon-always-young:** heay guys  @everyone

**soon-always-young:** i have something really important to say

**soon-always-young:** or more like _we_ have something really important to say

**soon-always-young:** okay

**soon-always-young:** here it goes

_soon-always-young changed their name to bf1soonhyungie_

_seokmintyfresh has changed their name to bf2cupcakemin_

_channieontop has changed their name to bf3babychan_

**junhuwui:** OWO WHAT IS THIS

**junhuwui:** MAMMNTH’S OUT OF ZE BAGEU NOW BITCHES

**wonwoouldustfu:** oh my god no really

**wonwoouldustfu:** hoLY SHIT

**bf2cupcakemin:** (╯︵╰,) is that a bad holy shit

**wonwoouldustfu:** noooooo

**wonwoouldustfu:** no no no no no

**wonwoouldustfu:** junhui bet that the three of u were dating but i didn’t believe him

**wonwoouldustfu:** i mean……… u guys _are_ dating, right?

**bf3babychan:** yes

**bf3babychan:** if anyone has a problem with that, meet me in the motherfuckin pit

**bf2cupcakemin:** baby,,,,,, no,,,,,,,,,,,, no more fighting,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

**bf3babychan:** but hyung………….

**bf2cupcakemin:** no buts  <(｀^´)>

**babykwan:** that’s fuckin cute

**babykwan:** congrats!!!!!!!!!! I’m so happy u guys are dating now!!!!!!!!

**bf1soonhyungie:** we’ve been dating for like six months now????

**babykwan:** u’re all dead to me

**babykwan:** i understand not telling the rest of these plebians

**jisoo’s-hannie:** excuse me what

**ass-prince:** what did u fucking call me

**babykwan:** but how could u not tell _me_

**bf1soonhyungie:** bc u can’t keep a secret

**babykwan:** i can keep a secret!!!!!!

**babysol:** i told u abt my crush on jihoon hyung when we first met and u spilled that to our entire group of friends within the hour

**babysol:** babe im ur best friend

**babysol:** soonyoung hyung doesnt stand a chance

**babykwan:** …………..

**babykwan:** …………………….

**babykwan:** okay fairs

**hannie’s-jisoo:** how come hansol gets a free pass for saying that

**hannie’s-jisoo:** but if any of the rest of us tried to say it

**hannie’s-jisoo:** we’d have TWINK spelled out in gochujang on our chests in the morning

**babykwan:** IN MY DEFENCE

**babykwan:** IT WAS A ONE TIME THING

**babykwan:** AND IT DID GET JUNHUI HYUNG AND WONWOO HYUNG TOGETHER

**wonwoouldustfu:** he’s not wrong

**junhuwui:** gotta give him that :3c

**bf1soonhyungie:** okay so Seokminnie and i were dating for like a year and then the three of us realised we worked better as a trio and so we started dating Channie too?????

**bf1soonhyungie:** and it’s been a lot of compromise and manouvering but now we’re like really stable and after a lengthy discussion, we decided it was time we told u guys, our closest friends??????

**bf1soonhyungie:** and honestly it was really nerve-wracking and we talked about it for a solid hour or two and… yeah

**ass-prince:** i think it’s great, soonyoung. i think i speak for all of us when i say we’re honored u decided to come out to us about it and we’re ll really happy for u

**whippedass:** hey that’s my line!

**whippedass:** but yea, as oldest hyung, i’m glad u had the confidence to come out about this to us

**whippedass:** and we all support the three of u

**whippedass:** and if anyone ever does anything bad to the three of u, we’re leaving them in a room with jihoon

**whippedass:**

**ass-prince:** i like that idea

**bf1soonhyungie:** u would, wouldn’t u

**bf1soonhyungie:**

**ass-prince:** literally d I E™

**babysol:** i never gave u permission to use my face like that

**bf1soonhyungie:** u hear that

**bf1soonhyungie:** it's the sound of me not caring, hansol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu hewwo owo i'm back! after...... a month ;w; sorry for the delay, especially after that cliffhanger! thank you for all your support, kudoes, bookmarks etc. i really appreciate it!
> 
> as usual, feel free to hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/serraminiauthor) or [tumblr](http://minteayoongimakesmewoozi.tumblr.com/)! i do enjoy interacting with fans ^^ sometimes i post teasers on twitter, sometimes i just cry about my son boo seungkwan on tumblr :3c
> 
> one last thing!!!!! if you want to (and have the means), feel free to buy me a [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/authorinprogress)! i just want to stress that lack of ko-fis won't mean i'll withhold chapters or anything! i'll continuing updating as frequently as i can, regardless of the number of ko-fis i'm bought.
> 
> thank you for reading (and if you buy me a ko-fi, thank you in advance)!


	7. @junhuwui u fuckin furry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> junhuwui: boyfriends are great uwu
> 
> junhuwui: u can be like “I want cuffles uwu” and they’ll come for u
> 
> junhuwui: *cuddles
> 
> junhuwui: well maybe cuffles too :3
> 
> junhuwui: if they’re comfy :3c
> 
> babysol: what
> 
> babysol: what are cuffles

**[3:12 AM]**

_asS_

**ass-prince:** guys

**ass-prince:** what the fuck does :3c mean

**ass-prince:** is it a typo

**ass-prince:** why does junhui make it all the time

**haoabtno:** ist 3am go the fkcu ti sleep

**ass-prince:** but this is important

**ass-prince:** what does it _mean_

**ass-prince:** what’s uwu

**ass-prince:** how do u say it

**ass-prince:** pls i wanna know

**haoabtno:** quietly die in a vemonous pit thx

 

**[8:52 AM]**

_asS_

**babykwan:** uh

**babykwan:** so

**babykwan:** is jihoon hyung shitting with us

**babykwan:** or do i actually know smth he donse’t

**jisoo’s-hannie:** it’s the only time you’ll feel smarter than jihoon so milk it

**babykwan:** what have i ever done to deserve such hostilititty

**jisoo’s-hannie:** u ate the last pudding cup at lunch ytd u poisonous snake

**babykwan:** u don’t even _like_ strawberry!

**germgyu:** heh titty

**babysol:** shut up mingyu ure gay u don’t even like tittys

**jisoo’s-hannie:** shouldn’t it be titties

**babysol:** it doesn’t matter we all gay af

**ass-prince:** the sun is loud and i can taste colours

**ass-prince:** also i just realised that :3c is a face with a fuckin hand like it’s satan tryin to lick a paw

**ass-prince:** @junhuwui u fuckin furry

**junhuwui:** u come into my christian UWU discord server

**whippedass:** this is kakaotalk

**whippedass:** and also i made this chat

**wonwoouldustfu:** you’re not a christian

**junhuwui:** and kinkshame a kink i don’t even have  >:3

**germgyu:** of all the kikns u don’t have it’s this one

**junhuwui:** when i have soooooo many other shameable kinks owo

**haoabtno:** yea like his humiliation kink

**junhuwui:** of all the things u spell right, ti’s _that_

**haoabtno:** or his daddy kink

**ass-prince:** there’s nothing wrong with having a daddy kink

**babykwan:**

**germgyu:** god didn’t put me on this earth to suffer like this

**jisoo’s-hannie:** oh?

**jisoo’s-hannie:** u have a daddy kink?

**jisoo’s-hannie:** u like calling men daddy?

 

**[9:01 AM]**

_seungcheol the useless lump_

**useless lump:** HI HWAT THE FUCK DIID I JUST WAKE UP TP

**useless lump:** WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE ASS CHAT

**useless lump:** @jeonghansolo EXPLAIN URSEFL

**jeonghansolo:** i’m tryin to find out if jihoon is truly the man of ur wet dreams shut ur fuckin mouth

**jeonghansolo:** and stop screaming it’s distracting me

**angelsoo:** hubby don’t be mean : <

**angelsoo:** actually hannie’s right pls stop screaming

 

**[9:02 AM]**

_asS_

**ass-prince:** actually i like being called daddy

**whippedass:** ksfmwekOEJRIOWJRIOWEMFWEOFMWOMELKREE

**bf3babychan:** is nothing sacred anynmoer

**babykwan:** great, we’ve truamatissed the baby

 

**[9:02 AM]**

_seungcheol the useless lump_

**chandevil:** ha i knew it

**jeonghansolo:** fuck

**chandevil:** pay up hyung

**actual-hansol-o:** whats goin on i can hear seungcheol hyung screaming

**jeonghansolo:** isn’t ur dorm in the next building

**actual-hansol-o:** yeah…?

**actual-hansol-o:** wait are u telling me cheol hyung isnt in this building

**actual-hansol-o:** what happened

**chandevil:** check the asS chat  >:3

**actual-hansol-o:** k

**actual-hansol-o:** hi what the fcuk

**actual-hansol-o:** since when was jihoon hyung a top

**jeonghansolo:** since always

**useless lump:** i’m gonna cry i’m gonnaa fuckin drop dead i swear

**jeonghansolo:** don’t mind him he’s just hyperventilating

**angelsoo:** hubby be nice

**angelsoo:** I’d be the same way if I found out you liked getting spanked too

**jeonghansolo:** but?????? i do????????

**angelsoo:** fjqndoJDojfjkejfkkJOFJEKAFMKELJFK

**actual-hansol-o:** i hage everything about this chat

 

**[9:05 AM]**

_asS_

**babysol:** whyis this a thing adn why od i have to suffef like this

**babykwan:** babe no run away don’t look

**bf3babychan:** can we talk about this _now_

**bf3babychan:** _please_

**germgyu:** noah fecns but i think we need to address jihoon hyung’s daddy kink first

**germgyu:** mostly how he has one and it’s not calling other men daddy

**germgyu:** like don’t u think he’s a little too sh

**wonwoouldustfu:** what

**wonwoouldustfu:** what just happened

**wonwoouldustfu:** mingyu are u okay

**wonwoouldustfu:** holy shit he died

**babykwan:** jndfowfoeJSOFIJWEOFW OH MY GOD HAO HYUNG JUST TACKLED GYU HYUNG

**babykwan:** IT WAS HILAROUSI U SHOUL’VE SEEN THE LOOK ON HAO HYUNG’S FACE

**babykwan:** IT WAS COMEPLTYE SERIOSU AND THEN HE TACKLED GYU HYUNG TO THE GROUDN

**babykwan:** I WHOUDLNE TAKEN A VIDEO

**bf2cupcakemin:** is Mingyu okay!!!!!!!!!!!

**bf2cupcakemin:** why did Minghao do that!!!!!!!

**bf2cupcakemin:** @germgyu ARE YOU OKAY ゞ◎Д◎ヾ

**germgyu:** skjdewjkf help efsfjw efeme

**haoabtno:** no

**haoabtno:** makign suer u stay aline is a full time job shut up n don’t say anythign anymore

**germgyu:** jsfowefrwy yroue sititng wofnwef on fwofwej me!!!!!!!!@#!#!@#!

**babykwan:** someone with authorititty should step in

**jisoo’s-hannie:** aren’t you actually there in person

**babykwan:** someone with authority

**babykwan:** pls change ur useranem

**babykwan:** now its jusu getting pretentious

**jisoo’s-hannie:** (1) u don’t have authority _or_ authorititty

**jisoo’s-hannie:** (2) i don’t have to listen to you

_hannie’s-jisoo changed jisoo’s-hannie’s name to hanniebee_

_hannie’s-jisoo changed their name to honeysoo_

**honeysoo:** you need to take pity on people, hubby

**honeysoo:** imagine if someone had to keep typing our names

**hanniebee:** why on earth would anyone do that

**honeysoo:** idk maybe cheol wants to yell at us over text

**babykwan:** anuyeay if anyone cares hao hyung is still sitting on gyu hyung

**bf3babychan:** no one cares

**bf2cupcakemin:** I CARE D: I’M COMING OVER

**bf2cupcakemin:** @germgyu @haoabtno STAY THERE DON’T MOVE

**haoabtno:** not palnttning on moving

**bf3babychan:** !!!!!!

**bf3babychan:** i’ll walk over with you, hyung!

**bf2cupcakemin:** <3 <3 <3

**bf3babychan:** <3

**ass-prince:** that is disgustingly cute

**wonwoouldustfu:** don’t be jealous just because you want something like that, hoonie

**ass-prince:** why would i want a boyfriend to hold my hand and send disgustingly cute messages to

**ass-prince:** or a boyfriend to kiss the top of my head whenever i want kisses

**ass-prince:** or a boyfriend to go on adorable dates with

**ass-prince:** disgusting

**whippedass:** I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE

**wonwoouldustfu:** what

**ass-prince:** exCusE mE?

**junhuwui:** oh? is this some progress i see? owo

**whippedass:** uh

**whippedass:** my hand slipped

**whippedass:** i’m sorry i have to

**whippedass:** uh

**whippedass:** i have to go trim my cat

**babykwan:** he had to go waht

**babysol:** when did seungcheol hyung get a cat and why didnt he tell me

**junhuwui:** boyfriends are great uwu

**junhuwui:** u can be like “I want cuffles uwu” and they’ll come for u

**junhuwui:** *cuddles

**junhuwui:** well maybe cuffles too :3

**junhuwui:** if they’re comfy :3c

**babysol:** what

**babysol:** what are cuffles

**junhuwui:** cuffs  >:3

**junhuwui:** _handcuffs_ >:3c

**babysol:** i am filled with only regrets

**bf3babychan:**

**junhuwui:** use da handcuffles on my daddy uwu

**junhuwui:** tie me up and spank me pwetty pwease :3c

**ass-prince:** how do i bleach my eyeballs and scrub my brain out

**germgyu:** hao finally sopeed sitting on me but i should’ve just stayed under his ass foerevr

**germgyu:** it woudl’ve saved me form this pain now

**haoabtno:** @wonwoouldustfu collect ur man he’s outts control

**wonwoouldustfu:** I want no part of this

**junhuwui:** D; the betrayal

**wonwoouldustfu:** i can’t believe i let u put ur dick in me

**wonwoouldustfu:** i can’t believe _i_ put my dick in _u_

**junhuwui:** *uwus sadly*

 

**[11:32 AM]**

_smiley dopey and angry 97 style_

**dopegyu:** oh my gooooddddd min

**dopegyu:** minnie

**dopegyu:** seokseok

**dopegyu:** seokminiieeeeeeeee

**dopegyu:** minghao's ass was sculpted by the gods

**dopegyu:** i never wanted himt o stop sitting on me

**dopegyu:** how do i tell him i want his ass on me forever

**smileymin:** uhhhhhhhhhmmmm!!!!!!!!!

**smileymin:** gyu!!!!! don’t say anything else gyu!!!!!!!!

**dopegyu:** what why

**dopegyu:** fuck

 

**[11:33 AM]**

_Puppy Power!!!_

**gyupuppers:** oh my god

**seokpuppy:** OH MY GOD

**gyupuppers:** OH!!!!! MY!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

**seokpuppy:** OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**seokpuppy:** WHAT DO WE DO!!!!!!!! – =͟͟͞͞ =͟͟͞͞ ﾍ( ´Д`)ﾉ

**gyupuppers:** I DON'T KNOW

**gyupuppers:** I'LL ASK WONOWWO HYUGN

 

**[11:33 AM]**

_180 and aboev_

**186gyu:** end me swiftly pls

**182woo:** what did u do this time

**186gyu:** how do i delete myself from the internet and frm the face of this earth

**182woo:** u..... don't?

**186gyu:** guess i'll just dei then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heylo people i'm back after 6 months :D i'm not dead after all :3 and i'm back uwu _with a cliffhanger_ :3c
> 
> life completely handed my ass (haha) to me and i've been utterly unmotivated to update too much ass UNTIL TODAY UWU
> 
> if you guys want to talk about how dumb gyuhao are being, how gross jicheol are being or how kinky wonhui are all the time, feel free to hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/serraminiauthor) or [tumblr](http://minteayoongimakesmewoozi.tumblr.com/)! you can also check out my [writing blog](http://svt-writers-club.tumblr.com/), where i do requests and post headcanons and stuff of the boys!
> 
> lastly, if - and only if - you have some spare cash and want to support me financially, you can also buy me a [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/authorinprogress)! it won't change how often i update or make me write longer or shorter chapters, it's just a little something to supplement my income :3c
> 
> til next time, babes :*


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